The Family’s Godly Order

Lesson Outline for Oct 9, 2025

The Family’s Godly Order

 

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Goal – To understand the Godly family order for men and women

Note – this lesson is not focused on the Godly order for the church

  • Is there an order of leadership / headship given by God for the family?
  • Do you think God’s order for man and woman in family / home still stands?
  • You can overcome the husband / wife relationship strife in Genesis 3
  • Satan understands spiritual laws regarding family order and has twisted American family order

Hebrew and Greek Terms / Definitions

  • helper #H5828 “ezer” – help or soccor, one who helps, gives aid
  • fit for #H5048 “neged” what was in front of and corresponding to; “suitable for”

 

The green is the author’s notations in the verses below. Bold text added for emphasis

God established order, but same value

Godly order, but same value

Gen 2:15-25 ESV – “15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” 18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit (neged) for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit (neged) for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

Gal 3:28 NIV – “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

  • God has established an order of authority, the principle of male headship for the home
  • Woman was created out of Adam’s flesh – is “fit” “comparable” – same value and importance
  • One beginning in the human race – Adam, created by God out of the earth; Eve created from Adam and perfectly suited for him, and he for her
  • Jesus Christ our Creator spoke the world into existence (John 1). Then out of man God created woman
  • Eve is from Adam’s side; Interestingly, the Bride of Christ comes from the wound of the Second Adam – there are not coincidences with the Lord
  • One flesh sets the foundation for marriage; man and woman are distinct, yet uniquely joined together – anything else is an abomination
  • Same sex relationships are not COMPARABLE – it brings a curse to them

1 Cor 11:3-16 ESV – “3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 4 Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, 5 but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. 6 For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. 7 For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. 8 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10 That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. 11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; 12 for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. 13 Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? 14 Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, 15 but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. 16 If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God.”

  • Jesus Christ is the head of every man – He is the our (man’s) covering; a wife wears a head covering because her husband is her covering
  • The man is the one responsible and give an account before God for his leadership as a husband – a husband and wife are not independent from each other
  • The man has the greater responsibility – the pattern was established in at the beginning of our creation (look below)

 

Adam (man) responsible for the curse

Passive leadership from husbands is well documented, even by righteous men – and always led to problems

Gen 3:9, 16-17, 21 ESV – “9 But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” … 16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” 17 And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; … 21 And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.”

  • Who did God call for when He came for accountability of the sin? That’s right – Adam / man
  • Just as Adam was accountable, so are we. We will be held accountable for leading our families
  • God has given us a “blueprint,” instruction, guidance and commands on this relationship
  • Post “fall” – the curse on the woman was to desire to usurp and challenge her husband’s authority
  • This curse is what plagues all marriage relationships – but can be overcome by understanding and submitting ourselves and our marriages to God’s prescribed order; and placing ourselves under the blood of Christ
  • Ungodly control in relationships is not of God’s will – and brings problems

 

Gen 16:1-5 ESV – 1 Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. 2 And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened (obeyed) to the voice of Sarai. 3 So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. 4 And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. 5 And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the LORD judge between you and me!”

  • Abraham was a passive leader; he knew better but followed territorial customs of Egypt; and his own will – he rationalized / justified his choice – this was NOT God’s will
  • God did not keep her barren; He was working on His timeline – not theirs
  • Wives can bring wise counsel and we should listen to our wives; this was not wise counsel
  • When we operate outside of God’s will and don’t fulfill our leadership responsibilities – there are consequences. The world is still suffering the consequences of Abraham’s choice and passive leadership
  • The curse continued with Isaac and Rebekah, and then on to Esau and Jacob (see Gen 26 and 27)
  • Rebekah told Jacob she would take the curse (Gen 27) for her deception – spiritually it was still passed down to Jacob
  • The spirit of Jezebel is “ungodly control” is traced back to Gen 3 – not Jezebel herself – the unclean / demonic spirit many call Jezebel
  • Jezebel usurped King Ahab’s authority – he was a passive leader
  • We also see the ungodly patterns run down the bloodline with Abraham and Isaac both denying their marriage – they had a spirit of fear – How loved, secure and valued did Sarah and Rebekah feel by their husbands who chose themselves before their wife?

 

Leading

A woman / wife’s role is critical for a successful home

Prov 14:12 ESV – “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

1 Cor 11:7 ESV – “For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man.”

1 Pet 3:7 ESV – “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Eph 5:22-30 ESV – “22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.”

  • Why does God’s way seem wrong to us in America? “America’s way” for the family brings / brought death to the family – God’s order for the family brings life
  • A different rank, role and responsibilities, same value
  • A husband is to HONOR his wife
  • Wife – helper, household manager, mother, nurturer, emotional seat of the marriage, promoter/”influencer” – makes her husband look 1 Cor 11:7, business woman (Prov 31)
  • Our wife comes from our flesh, we can’t hate our own flesh – does Eph 5 verse make more sense now?
  • We don’t get the latitude to accept part and reject part of God’s word – His leadership/headship order for the family – Do we think we are God?

 

Decree – I will follow God’s word. I reject the worldly order for my family and take up the mantle of husband leading my family and honoring my wife as God instructed

 

Last thoughts and considerations

  • Don’t accept or feel shame / failure for previously accepting this ungodly pattern – repent to God and move forward as the leader God called you to be for your family
  • Do you believe what God says about his order for marriage – God, husband, wife
  • Can you identify the Gen 3 curse regarding husband-and-wife headship and strife in your life
  • Authority is a “spiritual law” – Satan understands it – that is why we need to discern the lie
  • We reject Jesus Christ as our head, when we say we don’t want His order in our marriage
  • A passive husband puts a wife in SURVIVAL mode – breaks God’s family order
  • The destruction of God’s family order is a primary weapon against American families – can you find the lies from the enemy in our culture regarding God’s truth?
  • When the husband moves in his responsibility in a manner pleasing to God, a wife feels loved, secure, provided for, protected, valued and blessed
  • Two people can’t lead the same unit – there isn’t 2 presidents, 2 governors, 2 unit commanders
  • We must teach our children the Godly family order to counter the world teaching
  • Be a living example of active husband leadership modeling Jesus Christ
  • God established an order of authority, the principle of male headship, both in the church and home 1 Cor 11, Eph 5, 1 Tim 2 and Col 3
  • Knowing the “Jezebel curse” on our husband / wife relationship (ungodly control) allows us to rebuke it and overcome that strife in our marriage relationship
  • Husbands it’s your responsibility NOT be a passive leader like the first Adam, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David and others – their failures always brought pain on their bloodlines

 

Additional verses for self-study

Gen 27:5-10 ESV – 5 Now Rebekah was listening when Isaac spoke to his son Esau. So when Esau went to the field to hunt for game and bring it, 6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “I heard your father speak to your brother Esau, 7 ‘Bring me game and prepare for me delicious food, that I may eat it and bless you before the LORD before I die.’ 8 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice as I command you. 9 Go to the flock and bring me two good young goats, so that I may prepare from them delicious food for your father, such as he loves. 10 And you shall bring it to your father to eat, so that he may bless you before he dies.”

  • Rebekah manipulated her son Jacob – stepping outside her authority
  • Rebekah was aware of God’s word to her in Gen 25:23 and probably thought God “needed” her help for the older brother Esau to serve the younger brother Jacob – God didn’t need her help
  • Isaac feared for his life and then lied about who his wife Rebekah was to Abimelech (Gen 26:6-11) just like his father Abraham did to Sarah

 

1 Kings 21:7-8 ESV – “7 And Jezebel his wife said to him, “Do you now govern Israel? Arise and eat bread and let your heart be cheerful; I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite.” 8 So she wrote letters in Ahab’s name and sealed them with his seal, and she sent the letters to the elders and the leaders who lived with Naboth in his city.”

  • This is ungodly control – Jezebel was outside of her authority and manipulated her passive and weak husband
  • Ungodly control is characterized by – manipulation, domination and intimidation
  • Ungodly control ranges across a broad spectrum; overtly as murder (no greater ungodly control than to murder) to all forms of abuse to mind games/mind control/gas lighting, etc

Pro 12:4 ESV – “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”

1 Pet 3:1-7 ESV – “1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external–the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear– 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

  • We are to honor our wife and her role
  • The role of the wife is just as critical / essential as the husband
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