Lesson Outline for Feb 19, 2026
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Goal – Understanding and discerning reconciliation and boundaries
- Forgiveness is a one-way transaction
- Reconciliation is a two-way transaction
- Reconciliation looks to restore relationships
- Relationship restoration may be better, limited or not restored
Hebrew and Greek Terms / Definitions
reconcile –
- #H7521 “rasa” – to accept, be pleased, be favorable to, to make acceptable, to pay off
- #G1259 “dialasso” – dia (for this reason) / (lasso) something is made different; be reconciled, to effect an alteration, to exchange mutual concession, renew friendship with one (Matt 5:24)
- #G2644 “katallasso” – to change, exchange, mutual concession after mutual hostility (Rom 5:10)
- brotherly #G80 “adelphos” – brother by blood, same national ancestors, a fellow believer, one united under the same bond of affection
Relationships – require fellowship, accord and communion.
Reconciliation – is a two-way agreement, and restores relationship; both parties agree and come into fellowship, accord and communion.
The green is the author’s notations in the verses below. Bold text added for emphasis
Reconciliation is a two-way transaction
Both parties agree
Matt 5:21-26 ESV – “21 You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother (adelphos) has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled (diallasso) to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. 26 Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.”
2 Cor 5:18-21 ESV – “18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
Col 1:19-22 ESV – “19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. 21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled (katallasso) in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,”
Rom 5:10 ESV – “10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled (katallasso) to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.”
- Jesus and Paul are talking about brothers (and sisters) who we have a bond of the same affection
- There is trust in godly relationships
- One is not reconciled just by Jesus Christ’s sacrifice; We exchange enmity for friendship by accepting – we come into agreement
We may not reconcile with some
Expectation management
2 Tim 3:2-5 ESV – “2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.”
Psa 1:1 ESV – “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;”
- We do not walk with darkness or evil
- We restore God honoring relationships
Reconciliation and boundaries
Operating with spiritual discernment
Gal 2:11 ESV – “But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned.”
Act 15:37-40 ESV – “37 Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 39 And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord.”
2 Tim 4:10-11, 14-16 ESV – “10 For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. 11 Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry. … 14 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. 15 Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message. 16 At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them!”
- One party can be the offender or sin against another – Paul / Peter
- Restoration of a relationship requires agreement, trust building by one or both parties
- No reconciliation for Demas and Alexander; but Paul forgives them – no charge against them
- Boundaries can vary in duration and type – Paul and Mark’s relationship was restored
- Let’s discuss a few real-life examples
- Husband / wife
- Family relationship – parent, brother/sister, cousin
- Church and work relationships
- Abusive relationship – physical, emotional, psychological, abandonment
- Some not restored, restored with boundaries, restored better
Last thoughts and considerations
- Reconciliation focus is relationship restoration
- Reconciliation will require forgiveness
- Reconciliation will require repentance by an offending party
- Boundaries are appropriate
- Some people use boundaries to stay in their pain, justify behavior, etc.
- Not all relationships may be restored – but forgiveness is required
Additional verses for self-study
Luke 15:11-32 – Loving Father or Prodigal Son
- Consider reviewing this parable for characteristics of relationship restoration characteristics
- Note the offender returned, repented with godly sorrow and was willing for any level of restoration
Philemon Consider reading this short book – it can be a case study on reconciliation
- Paul receives Onesimus (a bond servant of Philemon)
- Philemon is a fellow believer aligned with Paul and his work
- Paul receives Onesimus, whether deliberate or by divine appointment is unknown
- Paul instructs him on the gospel and he becomes a believer
- Paul sends him back to Philemon, under the common understanding as believers (I don’t expect we would see this letter in the Bible if Philemon was not a fellow believer)
- Paul urges Philemon to accept Onesimus back without punishment and free him from his bondservant requirement
- Paul offers to pay any debts Onesimus may have on his account
- It’s commonly believed Philemon accepted Onesimus back and restored the relationship better than before by freeing Onesimus
