Lesson Outline for Nov 5, 2026
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Goal – To understand the danger of flattery, and how to praise authentically
- Do you think flattery is against God’s word and instructions?
- Why do people use flattery? Do you justify flattery?
- Do we use flattery to correct and encourage someone? If so, is that good or bad to do?
- What is the difference between flattery and praise?
Hebrew and Greek Terms / Definitions
- Flattering / flattery #H2509 “halaq” to to use flattery, to smooth, deceitful; root #H2505 a divided heart, to make smooth as an idol-maker; #G2850 “kolakeia” a cloke of covetousness; #G2296 “thaumazō” marvel at, wonder at, be had in admiration, to be influenced by partiality
- flattering speech #G2129 “eulogia” praise, good speaking, blessing; smooth speech, to artfully captivate a hearer (in a bad sense)
- rebuke #H3198 “yakah” to prove, correct, show to be right, reprove, rebuke
Dictionary.com and Webster-Merriam
Flattery. Excessive insincere or exaggerated praise. Usually to gain personal advantage, win favor, or manipulate an outcome. Origin is French, integrated into English ~1200AD. Implies a physical action to smooth something down, stroke w/ a flat hand or prostrate oneself faking submission.
The green is the author’s notations in the verses below. Bold text added for emphasis
What does God tell us about flattery?
Are your spiritual ears tuned to identify flattering speech in you, and from others
Prov 26:28 ESV – “A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”
Prov 29:5 ESV – “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.”
Prov 5:3 ESV – “For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil…,”
Psa 12:2-3 ESV – “2 Everyone utters lies to his neighbor; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak. 3 May the LORD cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that makes great boasts…,”
Job 32:21-22 ESV – “21 I will not show partiality to any man or use flattery toward any person. 22 For I do not know how to flatter, else my Maker would soon take me away.”
- Does flattery make you feel “icky”? Examples?
- What other meanings could “a forbidden woman” have…, spiritual adultery?
- The essence of flattery is saying things people want to hear…, to bring them into “your will”
- We want people to like us, we want to gain advantage and to manipulate by flattery
- Flattery can include gossip, back-biting and seduction – it’s Jezebelic – ungodly control
- Elihu seemed to not want to flatter anyone but himself, but project humble character
Godly men avoid flattery, and are quick to repent of flattery
…, and are watchful and alert for flatterers
1 Thess 2:5-6 ESV – “5 For we never came with words of flattery (kolakeia), as you know, nor with a pretext for greed–God is witness. 6 Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ.”
Rom 16:17-18 ESV – “17 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. 18 For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery (eulogia) they deceive the hearts of the naive.”
Jude 1:16 NIV – “These people are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter (thaumazo) others for their own advantage.”
Rom 16:3-4 ESV – “3 Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, 4 who risked their necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks but all the churches of the Gentiles give thanks as well.”
- Paul in his writings uses appropriate praise, encouragement, compliments, etc – not flattery
- Notice how Paul calls out greed working w/ flattery in the same sentence, why?
- Flattery puts people in positions before they are ready
- God knows both the ability and character – God uses men of Godly character & develops ability
- Flattery is an “evil seed” w/ evil fruit in due time – it brings forth wickedness and ruin
- Flatterers like to surround themselves with others who agree, ingratiate and flatter them
- The corrupt surround themselves with corrupt – What’s the outcome, fruit of this relationship? – they will turn on others for their own gain
- What does “avoid” mean? Don’t come into fellowship, communion and accord
Jesus models how we confront flattery
Don’t use flattery, or be swayed by it
Matt 22:15-18 ESV – “15 Then the Pharisees went and plotted how to entangle him in his words. 16 And they sent their disciples to him, along with the Herodians (a political group opposing Jesus Christ), saying, “Teacher, we know that you are true and teach the way of God truthfully, and you do not care about anyone’s opinion, for you are not swayed by appearances. 17 Tell us, then, what you think. Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not?” 18 But Jesus, aware of their malice, said, “Why put me to the test, you hypocrites?”
Rev 2:20 ESV – “But I have this against you, that you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols.”
John 1:47 ESV – “Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!”
- Godly men call out flatterers appropriately, and know how to encourage and praise in earnest
- Godly men ID the trap, and call it out
- Jesus to the Church in Thyatira called out the seduction
- Give sincere praise out of authentic delight
Application in Life
- At work – praise and encourage w/ specificity to a person’s work, product, good attitude – stay away from personal attributes, attire, comparing with others
- Identify when someone is flattering you, and put up appropriate boundaries – flatterers use flattery with long term goals in mind – “You are so much like me…,” “You and I think so much alike, that’s why I hired you, etc”
- In the community – “We have an opening on our board and looking for a man who has your experience, leadership ability to organize and recruit others for our …,”
- Use praise, not flattery – praise is specific and builds another up
- Have you asked Holy Spirit for His input and will for situations brought to you, and that you bring to others
Last thoughts and considerations
- Use praise, not flattery. Praise is from authentic delight and appreciation; and builds another up
- Praise strengthens confidence and exhorts – flattery puffs up an ego and deceives a listener
- Do not flatter the opposite sex, stay away from even the appearance of flattery (comments about another’s look, smell, perfume, attire, etc – close family excluded
- Don’t use flattery to correct – Godly men can correct in kindness
- Teach your children to “name it” – flatterers will groom and prey on our wives and children
- Don’t let personal partiality overcome what God is telling you
Additional verses for self-study
Prov 27:6 ESV – “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
Dan 11:32 ESV – “He shall seduce with flattery those who violate the covenant, but the people who know their God shall stand firm and take action.”
Prov 29:6 ESV – “An evil man is ensnared in his transgression, but a righteous man sings and rejoices.”
Eph 5:11 ESV – “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.”
Prov 7:21 ESV – “With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him.”
Matt 8:10 ESV – “When Jesus heard this, he marveled and said to those who followed him, “Truly, I tell you, with no one in Israel have I found such faith.”
- Jesus gave sincere praise to the Centurion for his faith
